Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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