Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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