I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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