Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
