This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
