You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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