I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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