You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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