I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
