Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize