Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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