dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
