it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
