I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize