The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Randomize
