fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
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