If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
