This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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