note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
