Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
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