Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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