and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
