My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
