They should really pass out barf bags in church
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
