Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
