they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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