also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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