Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
