yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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