Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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