I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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