Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Randomize
