Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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