i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
