if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
