booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
