Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just forgot I was standing up.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
