I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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