I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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