is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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