omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
