i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
