Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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