Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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