...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
he's gonorrhea incarnate
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
