That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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