Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
