billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
