thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Say something about gay babies.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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