I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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