He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
