Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
