Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
