The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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