I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
operation harelip BJ is a go
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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