There is no way he is gay with that hair.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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