How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
