I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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