we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
