Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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