It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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