drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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