nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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