He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
