How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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