we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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