so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
