I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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