I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
