i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize