I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
