My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
