Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I forget how to act sober
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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