can we get nightvision for the apartment?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
