Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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