Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Semen is not good for contacts.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize