Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
