Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We don't watch enough power rangers
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
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